Trauma to Triumph & Everything in between

Im not sure that I am starting out as inspirational as I had planned with this next blog but, just try to see past my "mama tears/fears" to see such an inspirational story. That is a picture of my daughter who is graduating the 8th grade in 3 days. Oh, she is anything and everything good wrapped into a beautiful young lady! I could go on and on about how absolutley amazing she is for days. I had her when I was 17 and let me tell you, I was lost. I can remember thinking " they are so not going to let me just take this baby home..hello, people Im a child myself" I dont remember when exactly or how I stepped into the role of mama but, I know from the day I first saw her I wanted to be a better person. I have raised Kelbie from day one by myself and I have learned more from her than from anything else in my life. Coming from a childhood like mine statistics would say I wouldnt know how to nuture and love a child because I was never nutured. I am telling you right now I beat that statistic and I proved them wrong. I have never loved anything like I love her and I would go to the end of the world and back for her.
We were watching the movie "It's complicated" this weekend and in one part the daughter is packing her car down to head to college and the mom is just standing there watching her with the most lost look on her face. Her siblings are standing there chatting with her about how much fun she is going to have and then the girl turns and looks at her mom and asks her if she is scared to be alone in the house and the mom quickly says " Oh no honey, Im just trying to figure out who Im going to watch "The Hills" with now?" and thenshe starts bawling. So then I start bawling and Kelbie looks up and just laughs histarically at me. Then she realizes Im really crying. I said "I dont want you to go" and she says "mom Im only graduating 8th grade!!!" I then said I know but, in four years you'll be going away and she says to me "Mom, dont worry Ill come back all the time so you can do my laundry" and yes she was serious. Oh, I love that child. I took myself to the bathroom and cried some more. I just realize while watching that movie how soon she will be packing up her car and going to school, going to grow up and find her own way in life. I have 4 yrs left to mold her and teach her everything she needs to know. Four years of having her under my wing and in my house and then she will be going away. While Im so proud to see her grow up to be everything I never imagined she would be, it rips my heart to shreds to know that in 4 years she will be gone. While I know she will always need me theres still that since of her not needing me for everything that totally makes me want to vomit. Lord, I hope I taught her well. I hope all of my sacrafices matter. I hope all my prayers are heard but, most of all I hope she will always know that I am so proud to be her mom!!! We have both grown up so much and we have grown up together. Im really stinkin proud of both of us.

Kelbie Mae, I love you all the way across the ocean, upto the moon, around the sun, over the rainbows and back again!