OH Lord Have Mercy!!! I love Christmas

I know I know everyone says they "LOVE" Christmas. I actually really do. I hate the stress the world has created and I fight daily as a single mom not to get caught up in that mess of stress! I however love every other thing there is about Christmas!!! Its sparkly, glittery, colorful and cold. I love snuggling in a warm house ( I have to imagine a fireplace for now), I love the winter food, the parties, the friends and family, the baking, the singing, Jesus birthday ( most importantly) but, oh Christmas Tree I love me some Christmas decorating. I cant stop. Its a bit ridiculous and I know my Elf ways have to be on Boy Wonder, my kids and most of my friends nerves but, I cant get enough! I decorate, I blog about decorating, I decorate some more, I eat, sleep and breath for Christmas decorations!!! So here are a few things I have created this season. I got a late start but, am planning to start early next year and try to make some Christmas money by selling my wreaths and such...





This is my very merry holly jolly Christmas Tree. I love it!




This is my wintery wreath I made for my most favorite friend Autumn. We decided we need to spray the entire thing with snow so I will post a new photo when we get around to it!!!



This is my glamourous red and gold wreath I made for my fabulous friend Rachelle.

Finally this is my wreath. The first one I made this year. I do believe it needs more ribbon or something but, it makes me think of " The Grinch" its really fun dontcha think!

I have made another wreath that is more of a candy theme and will take a pic of it tonight!!!


I want to make a glittery "Happy Birthday Baby Jesus" one next but, it may have to wait until next year!


So I guess Im off to make more Christmas!

Merry Merry Christmas!!!

Pearl's Hope & Tanya's Christmas Wish

Pearl’s Hope and Tanya’s Christmas Wish



It’s that season again. The time where we all wonder how in the world we are going to get everything bought for our kids, family and friends. A time when we stress about whether we have given enough or gone overboard in some cases. The hustle and bustle are 2 of my favorite things about this holiday season but, my absolute favorite thing about this season is “giving”. I love to see the look on my children’s faces on Christmas morning when they open gifts. I love buying individual gifts for my friends and family and knowing that I bought them something that fits their personality. The truth is I am an Elf or I wish I was. I love the smell, the feeling, the stress and the joys of Christmas. The day after Thanksgiving (if I can stand to wait that long) my house looks like Santa Clause threw up every where!! I am that girl that goes overboard on decorating. So you get my point I love Christmas.



There is one thing that brings sadness to my “oh so jolly heart” this time of year. I hate to see anyone go without. I have a huge place in my heart for single moms who struggle but, it hurts me even more during this time of year. I have been where they are and I have hated this season because I couldn’t do for my kids what I wanted. There have been times I couldn’t have done anything at all without the people who saw me struggle and came to my rescue. I have had someone put $300 dollars in my mailbox at work, some dear friends (a couple named Tracy & Gary) have given me money to help with my Christmas for my kids, my mom and now Boy Wonder’s family have always made sure my kids had the very best Christmas and I could never explain how much it means to me. Every year for about 4 yrs now I have tried to donate to something like Christmas Angel Tree, Coats for Kids, or maybe for someone I know is struggling to make Christmas happen for their kids. While I know that Christmas isn’t just about gifts and Santa Clause, I also know the horrible feeling you get when you cant have Christmas for your children. So this year I have looked and looked, thought, and pondered of what I could do to help people enjoy this season as much as I do (if that’s possible).



Here is my Christmas Wish this year. There is an organization called Pearl’s Hope in Tulsa. It was established in 2008 when Pearl Opel Thorpe had a vision, a hope, really, that a shelter for women and their children could become a reality in Tulsa. Pearl had visited many shelters for woman in the Tulsa area and had realized that these shelters would accommodate homeless woman but, not their children (gasp, can you imagine). While visiting one she thought “"My hope is that someday, I will be able to provide for a place like this, but one that would be able to keep the women and their children together." With the help of a few other organizations Pearl’s Hope became a reality in September 2008. Sadly, most shelters do not accept children even if they are still in the custody of their mother. These children are torn from their mothers and placed with friends, family and often times foster care. For me, to think of my child being torn from me because I couldn’t afford a home would be devastating and I know from experience what being taken from your mom can do to a child. Because of the size of Pearl’s Hope facility they are able to take woman with as many as 5 children. Pearl’s Hope is just one department supported by “United Methodist Circle of Care” but, it is the one that spoke to my heart the loudest. I have called and spoke to the staff at Pearl’s Hope and have found out what some of their specific needs are. My wish is that my facebook friends, friends and family will take time out and help me provide some of the needs for these single woman and their children who live at Pearl’s Hope. Below is a list of needs.



Non-food needs for personal hygiene: Diapers, soap, toothpaste, toilet paper, deodorant, lotion, disposable razors, personal female products, baby wipes, powder, shampoo & conditioner

Household items: Dish and laundry detergent, paper towels, paper napkins, foil/plastic wrap

Non-perishable pantry food items: Canned fruit, canned vegetables, tuna, canned meat, bottled/canned juices, pasta & sauce, beans, rice soups, cereal, baby formula, baby food

Perishable items always needed, such as: Fresh fruit & Vegetables, bread, potatoes, eggs, milk, cheese

Gas Cards for the woman to get to and from work

Gift Cards for woman for Christmas to places such as Bath & Body, Target, and Wal-Mart etc.

Small Kitchen Appliances

Kids Clothes (ages newborn – 11)

Christmas Gifts for Children ages newborn to 11

Christmas Gifts for moms

Any housing items that could be used in a small apartment (blankets, pillows, décor, kitchen utensils, bathroom supplies, etc)

No candles allowed in apartments.



Let’s get creative and help out people less fortunate than ourselves. Get with friends, churches, schools and other organizations and come up with ways to help make this Christmas what Christmas is really all about, giving and spreading God’s love to all of his children (especially the children). Please feel free to contact me on Facebook, my email @ thunt@scissortailenergy.com or by phone 918-798-7587 with any questions or if you need for me to come pick up your donation. I truly appreciate all of your help.

Also, if you would like to check out Pearl’s Hope or any other program at “United Methodist Circle of Care” go to their website at http://www.circleofcare.org/site/05community/overview.html



The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas. -WC Jones

Quote & Photography Post

love isn't perfect. it isn't a fairytale or a storybook, and it doesn't always come easy.
love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on, and
never letting go. it is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live
without. love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, and every
second was worth it because you did it together




it's funny how we set qualifications for the right person to love, when deep in
your heart, you know that the person we truly love will always be an
exception.



maybe true love is a decision. you know, a decision to take a chance
with somebody, to give to somebody without worrying whether they'll
give anything back if they're going to hurt you, or if they really are the
one. maybe love isn't just something that happens to you. maybe it's
something you have to choose.



twenty years from now i am gonna look back and remember that you were the one
person who could turn every frown into a smile with a few simple words; that person
who lifted my head when i was losing faith in myself; that one person who carried
tears on his shoulders after every fight, every break up, every death; that one person who accepted every decision i made, that one person who knew who i really was; that one person that made the biggest difference in my life, my best friend.



You've got to have someone who loves your body. Who doesn't define you, but sees you. Who loves what he sees. Who you don't have to struggle to be good enough for."


This is what I know about love, that it is tested every day, and what is not renewed is lost. One either chooses to care more or to care less. Once the choice is to care less, then there is no stopping the momentum of goodbye.


And maybe it didn't matter so much
whether he took the step or I did.
All I knew was that he was there.

The Touchy Subject Challenge

'The Touchy-Subject Challenge'

Don't worry i'm not diving into another challenge just yet - i'm actually going to post this all in one go. I loved this challenge simply because it covered subjects which with some people can often strike a nerve and that is not my intention but it also gives me the opportunity to express my views and basically have a good old rant, which people who read my posts know i do that alot :')

Day 1 – Do you believe in God?/What religion are you?

I absolutely believe in God. I have been through so much in my life starting at a very early age and I cant remember a time that I didnt believe in him. I never had to be persuaded to not only believe in him but, I have always loved and needed him. Im not perfect nor am I anywhere near where I should be in my walk with him however, I know he walks with me and that his love and his power are enough to overcome anything in this world or in any other world. I belong to a baptist church and I believe most things that the baptist believe.

Day 2 – Do you believe in an afterlife? What do you believe happens when you die?

There is one thing I am certain of and that is there is heaven and there is hell. Going any farther into that Im not sure exactly what I believe. I know some say if you dont live everyday for christ or lets say you raped someone or murdered someone some believe you will go to hell. For very selfish reasons I would love to say that I believe that but, on the other hand I dont believe that I serve a selfish God. I believe any man no matter how rotten can be forgiven and go to heaven. I think the only one way ticket to hell is to deny Christ. And that my friends is something I could never do. I also believe there is one person who gets to pick and choose who gets into heaven and some people should feel darn lucky that Im not that person.


Day 3 – Are you proud to be from whatever country you are from?

I was born in Canada and I know nothing about that country. I have lived in the United States since I was 2. Right now I am having a hard time being patriotic because these damn people want even give me a US Passport however, there are great things about this country and I am proud to live here.

Day 4 – What is your view on gay marriage?

Before I enlighten you with my opinion let me just say. The bible says its wrong so its wrong.

Ok, now my opinion is that I have no right to tell anyone who they can love, have sex with or marry. Its not my business. If you love someone you love them.

Day 5 – Do you think sex before marriage is okay?

Again its says its a no no in the bible but, me Im absolutely ok with sex before marriage. Im not sure I could marry someone without knowing what Im working with if you know what I mean. Now sleeping around here and there and everywhere well thats just slutty and no good!

Day 6 – What are your views on love? Do you think it’s real? Do you think we only experience one love per lifetime? Does everyone have a soul mate?

My views on love - I have seen amazing love, I have seen toxic love, I have seen innocent love and I have seen pure true love. My views on love right now are that LOVE takes a ton of stinkin work and Im not sure Im up for that task but, at the same time to love someone completely and to know that person loves you back is the best feeling in the world.

Do I think love is real? I think love can be real but, I think the world has corrupted its meaning and its capacity with lust, sex, and worldly things. I think you can have real love but, I also think its a very rate thing.

Do I think you only experience love one time? I think the first person you love is a lucky son of a gun. That person gets your entire heart when its complete, unbruised and unbroken. I think your first love is the most innocent and exciting love you will ever have. I think when/if it ends your first love gets that part of your heart no matter how many years go by. I think you have no control over it because you dont have to give your heart permission to be someone elses. So the pattern goes on and on and yes, I believe you can fall in love and love someone again I just think you can never love them with that part of your heart you gave to someone else therefore, your second, third and fourth love (if you have that many) dont get your entire heart.

Does everyone have a soul mate? I believe in soul mates. I believe there are different types of soul mates for instance, My best friend Jes is my soul mate. I swear I loved her before I ever knew her. She was somewhere in my soul before she ever came into my life. I think I have found another soul mate and her name is Autumn. We are almost the same dang person to the point of creepiness. Im not sure if maybe my soul is open to finding my soul mate as far as my spouse or lover goes. Maybe I have found one but, I dont believe we only have one. That would just be silly!

Day 7 – Do you want to get married and/or have kids?

Been there done both...I dont want anymore kids and the unhealthy scared out of my mind part of me says "HELL NO" to marriage ever again but, there is a healthy part of me that would love to be married again. I just want to be in a healthy relationship with someone who gets me. Someone that loves me more than anything and someone that makes me laugh and stands beside the decisions I make even if they dont agree and someone who knows how to put me in my place without being disrespectful. I first have to learn how to be all those things before I can expect a man to do them for me and Im not there yet or maybe I just havent found the man for me.

Day 8 – Do you think any drugs should be legalized? Do you think there should be an age for drinking?

There is an age for drinking and Im ok with that age.
As far as drugs go no I dont think they should be legalized.


Day 9 – Pro-life or prochoice?
I’m kinda of 50/50 with this, because myself personally would be pro life, i could never abort my own child - to me having an abortion is just killing your own baby, and that something i don’t think i could live with myself for doing.
But, i can also understand why people do, so i wouldn’t hold judgement against people for it, because at the end of the day people have there reasons for doing it.
There only reasons i consider it as a option is if :
1. The pregnancy was the result of the rape, i wouldn’t want anyone to have to have that constant reminder.
2. If continuing that pregnancy could harm your life i.e. an etopic pregnancy

Day 10 – What do you think about straightxedge?
I had to google this because i’ve never heard that before and wikipedia told me
"Straight Edge refers to a subculture of hardcore punk, which was a direct reaction to the sexual revolution, hedonism, and excess associated with punk rock. In its simplest form, straight edge is a philosophy of staying clean and sober: meaning refraining from using alcohol, tobacco, and any other recreational drugs. For some, this extends to not engaging in promiscuous sex, following a vegetarian or vegan diet, and not using caffiene or prescription drugs”
If this is the right thing then i think it’s quite admiral of people to want be this way, but personally i think it’s a bit to extreme.. i supposed it’s a good thing in the sense that alcoholism and drug use wouldn’t be so much of a problem - but to not use things like prescription drugs is a bit to far, if your ill and you need medication, then you need it

Day 11 – What do you think about prostitution? Should it be legal?

I think its sad. I think for a woman or a man to feel like they have no other talent or ambition to go and find another job is sad. I think that alot of people that turn to prostitution have issues from their past that have made them feel like they are worthless and that the only thing good about them is what they can do for others. I think it robs them of so much...it robs them of self worth, of having an intimate relationship with anyone and it robs them of knowing that your body is something God gave you to share with one person. I do not think it should be legal. I think that this world with all of its lust and porn has taken sex and made it something evil.

Day 12 – What do you think about bisexuality?

I dont really think about it honestly. I have always said every woman has a little lesbian in them but, for the most part I think its mostly to get attention from men. I do believe and can only speak for myself that most woman can get turned on by other woman. All the woman I know if they are watching or looking at porn or sex or whatever we watch the girl more than the guy. I may just be speaking for myself here though. lol. No Im not lesbian or bi. I just think I say what alot of woman are scared to say. Woman are beautiful. I can appreciate that.



Day 13 – Do you think there should be an age to get tattoos/piercings without the consent of a parent?
That makes no sense.
There is an age that you can get tattoos/piercings without the consent of a parent - 18
I don’t think it should be any lower than that either, simply because when you’re young you make rash decision and sometimes do things out of spite - so if your parent turned round to you and said ‘you’re not having a tattoo’, you’d probably get one just to spite them and just because you can - and you’d probably end up regretting it.
Not only that, but young people change their minds so much, so having something tattoed on them which they can’t change would just end in disaster.

Day 14 – Do you believe in aliens?

No I dont

Day 15 – Do you believe in regrets? do you have any terrible ones?

No matter what people say, everyone has regrets - its just that some are more feeble than others, and some people let regrets rule them. At the end of the day, something positive always comes from regretting something because you learn from the mistake you made.
I have some regrets that I think are terrible but, they lead me to be the girl that I am today!


Day 16 – What do you want to happen to your body when you die?

DO NOT put me in a hurse (sp) and other than that do as you will. Im gonna be in heaven!!

Day 17 – Have you experienced your ‘first true love’ yet? Do you believe you ever will?
To me, true love is that old couple sitting on a bench holding hands and looking as happy as they did when they were first together. To me, the only way you’d be able to refer to someone as your true love is if they were the one you chose to spend your life with, and actually spent your life with them. I have found love a few times but, it obviously wasnt my true forever love or I wouldnt be explaining all of this.

Day 18 – What is your take on people who self harm (cutting, burning, scratching etc etc.)
Honestly, i think its stupid and dangerous and not only that i think when people are self-harm themselves, they are crying out for help - To physical hurt yourself in such a severe way just screams out to me that the person is struggling and really needs help, because i’m pretty sure you wouldn’t just do it for shits and giggles - if you do then that it seriously messed up.


Day 19 – Do you think high schools should give out free contraceptive?
I’m 50/50 about this one, simply because by giving it away it’s like encouraging them to have sex, when in high school they are still really young but at the same time by not giving it them, is encouraging them to be un-safe. Plus, in this day and age that many young people are becoming pregnant so it probably would be a good idea to give it out at high schools. I just wish the parents would take care of these things at home. I hate the " Im not giving them permission to go out and have sex" excuse. Hello, remember back to when you were in high school, did you need permission? Kids dont ask for permission to have sex they just do it. With or without protection because they are kids. They are stupid and fearless and reckless and they think nothing can happen to them. And yes, I agree that if they are all these things they shouldnt be having sex but, its not up to us anymore. As parents you protect and EDUCATE your children about sex but, you dont just ignore or excuse yourself from being the responsible one because at the end of the day regardless of anything else its your child and your responsibility!

Day 20 – What do you think about plastic surgery?

I think plastic surgery should just be a part of child birth. I think if a woman sacrifices her body to have a baby that a boob lift,lypo and a tummy tuck should be included in the care plan for after the baby is born.

However, for woman who go overboard and spend 500k to look like a totally different person that ridiculous and there should be a limit to how extreme a person is allowed to go.

Day 21 – What do you think about the death penalty?
Honestly, i think it’s the stupidest idea ever.
If somebody has committed a crime, and done something seriously awful; like murdered, or raped someone and all those kinda crimes… Killing them for it, in my opinion is just giving them the easy way out.
They should be made to suffer, so that they understand what they did was not only wrong but inhumane. These days when people are put into prison they have games rooms, gyms and all sorts of luxuries - which if you ask me doesn’t exactly help much when they are supposed to be being punished for what they’ve done.
They should be left to suffer and rot in a small dingy little cell. Otherwise how will they learn that what they did is wrong, and unacceptable.
Another reason, i don’t like the death penalty is that if someone is falsely accused and they are put to death for something they didnt do, you can’t change that, and an innocent man/woman will have been killed.

Day 22 – Do you say your country’s national anthem/pledge of allegiance when it is said/listened to?
I do




-Incase you want to do this challenge yourself, here it is :)-
Day 1 – Do you believe in God?/What religion are you?
Day 2 – Do you believe in an afterlife? What do you believe happens when you die?
Day 3 – Are you proud to be from whatever country you are from?
Day 4 – What is your view on gay marriage?
Day 5 – Do you think sex before marriage is okay?
Day 6 – What are your views on love? Do you think it’s real? Do you think we only experience one love per lifetime? Does everyone have a soul mate?
Day 7 – Do you want to get married and/or have kids?
Day 8 – Do you think any drugs should be legalized? Do you think there should be an age for drinking?
Day 9 – Pro-life or prochoice?
Day 10 – What do you think about straightxedge?
Day 11 – What do you think about prostitution? Should it be legal?
Day 12 – What do you think about bisexuality?
Day 13 – Do you think there should be an age to get tattoos/piercings without the consent of a parent?
Day 14 – Do you believe in aliens?
Day 15 – Do you believe in regrets? do you have any terrible ones?
Day 16 – What do you want to happen to your body when you die?
Day 17 – Have you experienced your ‘first true love’ yet? Do you believe you ever will?
Day 18 – What is your take on people who self harm (cutting, burning, scratching etc etc.)
Day 19 – Do you think high schools should give out free contraceptive?
Day 20 – What do you think about plastic surgery?
Day 21 – What do you think about the death penalty?
Day 22 – Do you say your country’s national anthem/pledge of allegiance when it is said/listened to?

The last post for this challenge and the hardest one...ONE CONFESSION

Im one confused child:

So confused that I ? everything I am and what I stand for. I ? everyones loyalty and love for me and I ? everyones motives..So apparently Im not only confused but, paranoid too. Im pretty sure I dont know my head from a hole in the ground and its driving me crazy! Im on a mission to find that girl who knows what she wants without a doubt and I dont intend on letting anyone in my head to twist and turn the way I think. Im on a mission to know me again and to never lose myself in another person again. I want to be me regardless of who comes and goes in my life and I dont intend on allowing others to change the way that I am. But, for now I dont know if the way I think is my own thinking or if I have just borrowed the opinions of others and made them my own. I feel like I have been talked into circles and now Im like a lil girl who twirled herself around in circles 300 times and is doing the drunk walk and stammer trying to make the world stop spinning. Im the dizzy confused girl! I hate to admit it but, I am she!

3 turn ons

1. First of all that picture turns me on...lol but, really lets see...good kisser

2. nice arms and chest

3. aqua di gio cologne...

4 turn offs

1. dirty hands/long fingernails....oh that is just so gross!

2. arrogance

3. super skinny guys - i like a lil junk...lol

4. men who cant kiss

There are alot more than just those but, the rules say 4.

So Im slow but....5 people who mean alot to me in no particular order.....

I cant believe I only get to name 5 people. Geez, I love so many people!! Not fair but, Ill try my best. Im not going to name my children this time because thats a given!

1. First one that comes to mind is Autumn. Oh my goodness I love this girls heart. She is such a wise girl for being as young as she is and she is sweet! I love that she doesnt push her thinking on me but, never tells me what I want to hear. Its nice to have a friend that tells you how it is but, realizes its only her opinion and doesnt judge the choices I make no matter how many times I make the wrong one. I also love that she loves the same things I do, we are both homebodies that find joy in making our house a home. She is just a way better cook than me (which I resent her for), we love shopping, eating and laughing and she loves my kids...how much better does it get than that.

2. Alyssa Bryant - I love that lil girl more than I will probably ever be able to show her. I worry about her now that Im not around to make sure everything is ok. Such a sweet lil girl who I had the joy of seeing grow up from a toddler to such a precious young girl. She has a heart of gold and a silly side. I miss her constantly and pray for her everyday! I hope she knows how much she brightened my life.

3. Wendi - Love that she is not needy but always there. I could go a month without seeing her or hanging out and when i do see her again nothing has changed. I think many people misread or misjudge her before they know her heart and I also think she is very selective in who she lets in and Im very thankful that I am one of those people. She is another friend that tells me how it is but, doesnt judge when i make my own choice. She has ALWAYS had my back and she has never let me down.

4. Kylie - This girl is so full of laughter and funtimes yet, I can see the pain she holds in through her eyes. I wonder how lost she really feels sometimes yet, she always has a smile on her face. I really respect that about her. I hope that as she grows through high school and college that she will still think of me as her second mom because I love her like my own and would do anything for her.

5. Grandma Shirley - Geez, where to even start with this woman. Like my other grandman she came into my and my kids lives and totally blew every expectation I had of being a part of her family. I have never felt so welcomed as when I am in her presence. She loves me and I have never doubted that. I have watched her health go down hill the last couple of years and its almost more than I can bare. Here is a woman who has taken care of everyone her entire life and now in her later years hasnt been able to enjoy life because her health. This is a woman who has put herself last her whole life for her family and for those of us she has adopted. She is one of my very favorite people and I hope that she knows that without a doubt.

6 things you wish you'd never done

I am starting to feel like a broken record. It seems like all of my blogs are about the same people, topics or complaints so I will try my best to mix things up with this one.

1. I wish I wouldnt have chosen the fathers I did for my kids. I know I didnt realize the mistake I was making at the time but, I wish I would of been more mature and wise to make a better choice for them.

2. I wish I would have never got married the first time. I missed out on a real engagement, a ring, a real wedding and my marriage was a disaster. No matter who I find now I feel like I can never get my first engagment, wedding and marriage back but, I did learn a ton from being married. I know all the things not to do! lol

3. I wish I would of never ate so much and gotten so fat while I was pregnant both times. I wish I would have at least walked or some kind of exercise. Believe me young woman that baby fat is the hardest thing in the world to get rid of. Dont be lazy and dont use pregnancy as an excuse to eat everything you think you need cause it bites you in the butt later.

4. I wish I would of never been to worried or insecure to do things that I could of done when I was younger. I wish I would of had the cofidence that I have now and tried out for more things like sports, student council, pageants, things I know I would of been great at.

5. I wish I would of never let peoples words make me feel inferior or worthless.

6. I wish I would of never waited to go to college after high school. I waited and now I have yet to go. When I think about it I know that I could be well on my way to a successful career as a child therapist, counselor, or child abuse investigator.

8 things that cross my mind alot!

Oh how brave you are to enter the mind of me. I have really thought about this one because I have 15 kajillion thoughts in a day so here goes nothin:

1. I wonder more than anything how both my daughters fathers (and heck we can throw my own father into this one) can be such deadbeats. How a parent can pick and choose which children to take care of and which ones to abandon. I wonder if it ever crosses their mind that they have scarred one child while giving the other more of a chance by being there for them. I wonder if their hearts ache so much from the guilt that they just rather not think about it or if they really are the monsters I think they are. I wonder what God will say to them on judgement day and if the words of our God will even speak to them. I wonder just how many times these same thoughts go through my kids minds. I wonder how a heart is suppose to understand or comprehend that kind of hurt. I wonder if all the women I know who were abandoned by their fathers will ever really completely heal or allow a man to really 100% love us with out us questioning when he will leave too.

2. I wonder about money and finances alot.

3. I wonder if people see me for who I really am. The good, the bad and the ugly. I wonder if they realize that somedays I can barely breath from the things I keep inside. I wonder if they knew what those secrets were if they would still love me the same. I wonder if they can tell when I wear a fake smile and if they know that inside Im exploding with hysterical crying yet, my eyes wont cry. I wonder if people really think I am strong or if they just tell me that because their worst fear is that Ill break and never put myself back together. I wonder if my days of happiness are really happy or just simply surviving.

4. I wonder often what would happen to my children if I were to die. Which friends would fight for them to stay together or if anyone would. I wonder if the love I have shown them will be enough to get them through. I wonder if people will do as they say and stop their lives to take care of them, I wonder if they will remember me always or if as the years go by they start to forget and I wonder if they will be separated...and at that moment I shut down because my heart cant take that much pain and I realize I can NEVER leave them because I am the only one they can count on!

5. I wonder if their is one person in my life that is 100% real to me?

6. I wonder if Randy really loves me the way he says or if he is afraid like most people to be alone. I wonder if our love is real and if we are just going through a hard time and will be ok in the end or if our baggage is enough to sink a ship. I wonder if we are destroying ourselves while lying to each other and saying that we love each other. I wonder if the maybe's and the if's are all in my mind because Im scared of love and will find any way to destroy it before i actually feel it or if they are red flags being waved at me so hard yet, I continue to make excuses for them.

7. I wonder why people say " Marriage is the hardest thing in the world but, its worth it" why in the world would you get married if its just going to be hard. If loving someone everyday for the rest of your life is so hard why do it. Why make yourself go through fight after fight, day after day until your so broken down that you just dont care anymore. If love is so hard why is everyone so worried about falling, being and staying in love. Why is it so stinking hard for us to love each other unconditionally. Then I realize the things that have been done to me by people who "loved" me and I realize there are conditions that can make you not love somebody and I realize how unbelievably evil people are or can become and I see the pain in marriage and in love and the longer I look at the pain the farther away I get away from love. Am I hurting worse because I run from love or are all the people that chase love hurting more in the end?

8. I wonder how my brain doesnt explode from all this wondering

8 ways to win Tdazzle's heart

1. Treat me with respect.

2. Love me even when I dont deserve it

3. Be a good cook (cause well im just not)

4. Give me my space. I like my alone time. I hate to be pushed when Im angry and I absolutely despise feeling like Im trapped!

5. You have to absolutely adore my children.


6. Buy me small things like Red bulls, skittles and things you know I love just because!

7. Get to know me and understand my ways. IF you dont know me how in the world will you ever capture my heart!

8. I HAVE to be able to trust you with my life or you will never find my heart!

9 things about Lil OLE ME!

1. Im a mother

2. I love to run. Its great anger/stress management and its good exercise

3. I love naps.

4. I love clean/pretty things. I cant relax unless things around me are clean.

5. Im stubborn

6. Im learning to give things time instead of making hasty choices that hurt me or someone else in the long run

7. Im strong on the outside but, not all the way through. I would never admit to being fragile but, there are parts of me that are.

8. I love calmness and cant handle chaos very well.

9. Im a creative person and love decorating.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. Kelbie - I am a little worried about you these days. I hope high school doesnt change the girl that you have always been. Stay beautifully you no matter what. Trust in your morals and go with your gut! I love you!

2. Autumn - You have been like a ray of sunshine to me the last couple months. I hope you always know how much your kind and honest words touch my life.

3. Mom - I feel closer to you these days then I have in a very long time. Thank you for listening and keeping an open mind. Life is much easier when you have your mama!

4. Jes - Where in the world are you? I miss you!

5. Cassie - I worry that our friendship is hard on you and your family life. Please know that I would never come in between something as precious as you and your family. Your a lucky girl and Im lucky to know you! Thanks for being my family!

6. RC - Its time to pick your self up and carry on. Put your big boy panties on and change your life. Its a bit ridiculous how low you have fell but, theres never a time I dont believe that you have it in you to be better. Do it for your kids until you can do it for you!

7. Randy - I hope....thats all I can really say!

8. Clay - your an amazing beautiful person! I hope you know I look up to you and thank God for you every day

9. Nana -
I thank my God every time I remember you.
-- Philippians 1:3

10. Me - Keep your chin up. Your mind will clear eventually and you will see everything you need to see until then hold on and trust in God to carry you through. You can do this!

Lets try this again....

So I did the whole "30 day challenge" where you write a letter to someone everyday. Well I kinda sorta did it but, now there is a new (less complicated) challenge and I decided to try and actually complete this one. Here's how it goes.



Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.


So wish me luck!


Tdazzle!

It was then that I carried you...

One of my best friends introduced me to a song this morning that made my heart cry. Im going thru a pretty tough time right now. Fighting for my happiness! I have fought harder battles, ones that make this one seem so silly but, its still hard when something is trying to steal your joy! The easiest thing to do is to surrender to the sadness and the darkness but, I have never been that girl to surrender to anything. Im fighting because I have great friends that see that I am worth fighting for even when I dont exactly feel that way.

Footprints in the sand has always had a place in my heart. "It was then that I carried you" has always been my favorite part. It makes me think of times when I made it through something that was to the human eye impossible or unsurvivable and I always think that to myself "It was then that he carried me" Its so inspirational to know that we all have someone who can lift us out of anything, anytime, anywhere. When you think of having someone that strong, that powerful on your side it puts things into a whole new light. There is no where I can go that he wont be right there. No amount of sadness or darkness can scare him away. Today, that makes my heart cry out because while Im not proud of where I am, I know one day I will turn around and wonder how in the world I climbed out of that mess and that same line of that same poem will ring in my head "IT was then that I carried you"

Thank you to Autumn for being such an inspirational woman. For your faith in God and for your faith in me. For carrying me through sad times and for reminding me that even when its too much for you or I to handle that there is someone ALWAYS there to carry us out. Im so glad that you and Jesus have my back!

Here are the beautiful lyrics to the song

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I’m going
You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much I no along the way
Then I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid
And just when I
Have thought I’ve lost my way

You give me strength to carry on
That’s when I heard you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

When I’m weary
Well I no you’ll be there
And I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find my footprints in the sand

When I get to heaven!

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon (SUV) that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

PS: And when I go to heaven I want the skies to look like the pic above!

If I were.....

If I were a month, I’d be October. I love the fall weather.
If I were a day of the week, Sunday
If I were a time of day, sunset
If I were a planet, I’d be mars
If I were a sea animal, Id be nemo!

If I were a direction, I'd be lost! lol
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a huge chase lounge chair.
If I were a liquid, I'd be the ocean
If I were a gemstone, I'd be a emerald
If I were a tree, I'd be weeping willow.
If I were a tool, I'd be a hammer
If I were a flower, I'd be a white daisy or sunflower
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be sunny and in the 70's

If I were a musical instrument, I'd be the piano
If I were a color, I’d be green
If I were an emotion, I'd be numb
If I were a fruit, I'd be plum
If I were a sound, I'd be a rain

If I were an element, I'd be air.
If I were a car, I’d be a green bug!
If I were a food, I'd be chips and queso
If I were a place, I’d be a warm home.
If I were a material, I’d be tshirt material
If I were a taste, I’d taste sweet n spicy.
If I were a scent, I'd be pumpkin pie
If I were an object, I’d be a diamond ring
If I were a body part, I’d be eyes.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be a smile. :)
If I were a song, I'd be Love never fails you
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be strappy heels or flip flops

A letter to the person I wish I could be.

Dear the person I wish I could be:

I wish I was more patient

I wish I was a more happy person like the women who poop skittles, rainbows and fairy dust.

I wish I wasnt so guarded

I wish I wasnt so negative

I wish I had the body that I did in high school

I wish I was more intellegent (did I even spell that right)

I wish I wasnt so ocd

I wish I was more nuturing and loving

I wish I hurt less

I wish I had more faith

I wish I didnt think so much

I wish I had bigger boobs and a small butt

I wish I knew exactly what i wanted in life and that nothing would stop me from getting it.

I wish I wouldnt of ever got married the first time

I wish I was a better mom and role model for my girls.

I wish I had more money

I wish I would take more time to play with my daughters

I wish I knew why my grandma believed in me as much as she did

I wish the broken and dark side of me was never placed there

I wish I was better with money

I wish I was a better cook.

I wish for more jewelry

I wish love came easily for me.

I wish I knew how to accept it better

I wish I wasnt so stubborn

I could go on and on about the person I wish to become but, the bottom line is this. We all live and learn. We all stumble and fall and each of us fails! I hope to leave a legacy that lives long after I do! I hope to continue living and learning. Ill take the failures with the victories. Ill take the tears if they bring me sunshine. Ill take the pain if it brings me joy!

Letter to someone from my childhood!

Dear Dichelle

You are the first memory of a friend that I have. I can remember being so excited to come spend the night with you as a child. You had the neatest puppet room ever and we always had so much fun together as kids. I can remember riding in the backseat of your parents car listening to country music and singing along at the top of our lungs. I remember saturdays at your house were cleaning days and I never thought you would be able to finish so that we could play. I remember sneaking out of your bedroom window just to go to the front door and how cool we thought we were. We grew up together and I was super mean to you at times. Like when I stuffed leaves in your glasses on the playground. Geez, Im sorry for that. Your the only friend that I have had that has lasted a lifetime. Although we arent super close I know without a doubt that if I or my children needed you that you would be the first to show up. Im so proud of the woman you have become and the mother you are. We have both had a rocky road growing up, we have made our own share of mistakes but, have remained friends. Im so proud that you followed your heart and stood up for the man you loved. Im so proud that your married and have a family with him now! I truely hope that your life is full of the happiest moments and the most loyal friends. Please know that I am always on your side and that you made my childhood a little less scary just being my friend. I love you!

Tanya

Letter to someone I miss the most

When I saw the title of who I should write to today the first person that popped into mind was my grandma but, I have already written her a letter so I thought for a second and realized there was someone I missed just as much....








Dear ME:

Where are you? The strong and independent happy woman you were about 4 yrs ago. Where did you lose yourself? It seems like you so easily lose who you are in other people. You are so easily persuaded to feel differently about yourself because others do. You were so brave and almost indestructible but, yet in the past couple of years you have allowed things so much smaller than you to defeat you. You went through so much to become the healthy happy woman you were and you have allowed others to steal your joy and your faith in yourself. So where are you hidding? I can feel within me that your trying to come out again but, your that scared girl afraid of failure and afraid of how you may look because of the choices you are making. Where is the fearless girl that follows her heart and stands up for what she wants and what she deserves no matter what? What happen to your faith and strength? I am so disappointed that you have changed so much. I hope to find you soon and that you will become the woman God intended you to be. That you will love yourself and find yourself worth fighting for. Practice what you preach Tanya and listen to all of the wise things you have learned on your journey in this life. Be so stubbornly you and someone will appreciate you! I know I do! Until you return I will pray for you. For your heart to be mended once again and for you to have the joy you so deserve. Ill wait for you!

Sincerely,

You

Letter to someone that I have drifted away from.

Dear Ashley

Boy did we come into each others live's at the perfect time. Two independent, stubborn and hardworking single moms. We were so tough on the outside but, little did we know that our hearts needed a specific kind of friend. The kind to allow one another to be weak, scared and overwhelmed. A friend that could look at you and see that you were on the verge of a meltdown, histarical laughing (when we couldnt cry) or a rage blackout. We were dependable friends without fail. My life was so blessed and still is having known you and your children. We both had wisdom to share and yours (when I used it) saved me! When I didnt broke me but, you were always there with a shoulder to cry on, and arm to punch or to just be a friend to laugh with. Your such a strong person and although we have lost touch I know that if something were to happy to me or my family you would be the first to show up and take action. You have always had my back even when I was wrong and I appreciate that. The memories I have will stay with me forever. From Tashapalooza to the sad lonely nights we cried together, to leaving some weirdo on brookside. I can honestly say life in those days were never dull. I love you. You hold a very special place in my heart and you always will. You were my life saver friend and I appreciate you more than you will ever know. I hate that we dont talk or hang out as much but, I still think of you as a very close friend. I love you

Tanya

Letter to someone you hope can forgive you.

This letter was super hard for me. I actually have been thinking about who I should write a letter to. Im not proud of this fact but, I have been pretty crappy to alot of people. I bullied girls in school, I have said horrible things to my friends, and I havent always been a super forgiving person. Every time I thought about this letter one sweet girl enter my mind each time so this letter is for her.

Dear Kelbie

I truly hope that you know without a doubt that I have always had your best interest at heart. That being said I have made some horrible life changing choices that have affected you in so many ways. While I know I did the best I could at the time I made each decision. Growing up and becoming wiser is hard because you have to look at the mistakes you made and face the fact that no matter what your motives were you still screwed up. Even harder than that is when you realize that those choices hurt someone you love. Im sorry for the poor choice I made in high school when I immaturely gave myself to a boy that I never loved and in return he never loved me. Im sorry that I chose him to be your father even if it wasnt a direct choice. Im sorry for every single ounce of pain that it has caused you. Im sorry for anything I have ever done or said that would make you feel like anything less than the precious person you are. I hope that as you grow when you think of me you feel as if I only built you up and never tore you down. Im sorry for the times I lost my temper and lashed out at you. Im so sorry for that year that I left you way too much to be with my friends. I know that hurt you so much and that it made you feel that you werent the most important thing in my life. I cant take it back but, I hope to restore that trust! You are my heart. You are my everything! You and your sister have been my inspiration to be the best form of me that I can. I hope that when you think of these things you can find it in your heart to forgive me and realize that I am only human! I wouldnt ever hurt you intentionally. I love you

Love your mama

Letter to someone who has caused you the most pain

I wasnt sure exactly who to write this letter too. There are so many different kinds of pain from physical, to emotional to the kind of pain that literally rips your heart apart and like most people I have felt every one of those. The problem was that so many people contributed to my broken heart. I cant just name one so here it goes

Dear Anyone who abused me:

To my parents who didnt protect me as a child, to my biological grandma who kidnapped and tortured me for a yr, to the men who helped her torture me, to the men my mother married who molested/raped me, to a dad who abandoned me, to boyfriends who hit me, to emotional abuse from others, to friends who have used me and then stabbed me in the back

I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being as sick and twisted as you have to be to harm a child the way you did. Thank you for the physical abuse that left scars on my body to remind me of just what I have overcome. Thank you for the emotional scars that trigger me to be a crazy lunatic if anyone tries to harm my children. Thank you for the instinct of knowing trouble when I see it. Thank you for tearing my heart out of my chest, stomping on it, and then placing it back in for only me and God to repair because it reminds me that it never stop beating therefore, you didnt destroy me. Thank you for the mind games that confused me about what real life and real relationships are suppose to be. Thank you for scaring my insides so much that I wasnt suppose to ever have children because once again you were defeated each time I gave birth. Thank you for starving me, not bathing me, not giving me the small things children are suppose to have because now its the little things like a hot bath and mexican pizza that are just amazing to me. Thank you for trying with all your efforts to kill me, destroy me and to make me just as dark as you are because you didnt. Because I win! You have scared me both physically and mentally but, you didnt destroy me and because of that I know without a doubt I can survive the unsurvivable! Im stronger than any of you ever were and you cant beat me. I am a child of the most high, loving, caring, and amazing God. My destiny was always to be blessed and happy and with all your efforts you didnt take that from me. So thank you. All of my pain, tears, and blood have sealed your fate.

Tanya

Letter to someone who has passed away that I wish I could talk to.

Dear Nana:

This is the hardest letter that I have had to write yet. God, I miss you so much. I cant believe you have been gone out of my life for 12 yrs. It feels like just yesterday that you were here. There hasnt been a day go by that I didnt wish you were here. Some days Im mad at you for leaving us and others my heart hurts so bad that I cant hardly stand it. You were my rock! I talked to you about everything and you always gave it to me straight. I feel like I am really messing up these days and I so wish that you were here to tell me whether I am making the right choices for me and the girls. My life was so much easier when you were here. I know you never butted in my business or made choices for me but, knowing you were there behind that glass door of the only home I ever knew made all of my trial seem a little less horrible. I think all of the time that I am going to forget you. It seems like with the years I forget little things about you like the sound of your laugh. What I would do just to hear you laugh one more time. I miss the smell of your kitchen and the warmth of your home.

You always believed in me and I wish so much that I knew why? I wish I could believe in myself half as much as you believed in me. I wish I had half your strength and wisdom. Somedays like today I just wish I could be with you in heaven. Life here is so hard and there are so many choices that shape the future for my children and Im just scared of my decisions and my mistakes. I know your near me cheering me on and I know you know that I will be ok! I know you will insure that we are always ok but, I just wish I could hear you say it. There are times that when I sit alone and think of you that I really feel you there. Im not really sure if that makes me crazy but, I choose to believe it is you and that your with me always.

I need you to know that you were my everything as a child and I never realized it until about 4 yrs after you were gone. I always felt like nobody really wanted me around but, you always wanted me and you always made me feel wanted. In my craziest times you made me feel like I was sane. In my weakest moments you were strong and you taught me about love. I never knew love until you. I never knew nuturing or caring until you. You were everything to me. You were my mom, dad, friend, grandma and most of all my biggiest fan. You always believed in me. You saved me in so many ways and you taught me so many things and I feel like you took alot of me with you. Im not a super caring person anymore. I have become so cold and numb to things that should really matter to me. Im not always proud of the person I am and I know maybe you look down on me and are disappointed. I just dont know how to be that girl you raised me to be. This world is so unfair, confusing and hard. Most days I put a fake smile on my face and go about my business because thats what you taught me to do. When I dont have fight left in me for me I fight for my kids. I know I get that strength from you. I miss you so much!
I heard yesterday that grandpa is dying. That he has 6 mos to live and the only thing that I could think was how mad and hurt i am that he gets to see you first. Do you know I havent talked to him since your funeral? I am just mortified that he was married 2 mos after you died and he sold the only home I ever had without a blink of an eye. I hate him for that. I also hate him for not being a good husband to you. He never deserved you and you did so much for him, his children and grandchildren. Im sorry you had to die with that sadness in your heart. I hope when/if he gets to heaven you tell him how it is! He is a bastard for treating you the way he did.
Kelbie is 14 now and oh my goodness I can just imagine how proud of her you are. She is so responsible and sweet. I just wish she remembered you more. You were such a blessing to us and i know she loves you still today
Aspen is a firecracker and you would adore her! She is everywhere all at once. I tell her about you all the time and she acts like she knows you. Maybe she does?
I miss you beyond words and cant wait to see you again one day! I love you.

A letter to someone I wish I talked to more. Rene Leigh

Dear Rene:

You came into my life at the perfect time. I will never forget the first time I met you. I had just been hired to work at EXB(aka hell) and you were the drive thru teller. I thought right off bat "her and I are going to get along great". Lil did I know that you would beat me up in the drive thru, become the posta police and tell everyone that I pooped in the bathroom. Thanks for that. I never realized the impact that you would have on my life. You saved me in so many ways and I wish there were something I could do to repay you (maybe come back and work with you..lol) . Of all of the friends I have made in my life you touched me the most. I could cry to you (although I knew that made you extremely uncomfortable), scream to you, and laugh with you. You taught me that life could be fun and that if I could just learn to laugh life wouldnt be so hard. I laughed until I cried so many times with you (mostly while makin fun of christa). You were always there for me and my girls when we needed you the most. I feel like although you know I love you very much that you got the short end of the deal in our friendship. I hope that somehow I made a difference in your life and I hope you know that no matter how many days go by that I dont talk to you, I think of you daily and miss you more than you know. Your an exceptional person and I am a better person for the time we spent together and the things you taught me (mostly how to balance my checkbook). I hope that you know that you are forever in my heart as one of my best friends. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I miss you so much!

PS: Im sure this letter is a bit to mushy for you so I added in some funnies. I always was more witty than you.!

I love you!

Tanya

Letter to someone I wish I could meet

This one was a bit hard for me too because there are actually 2 people that come to mind when I think I someone I could have met but, never got the chance. First, is my best friend Jessika's mom. The second is my boyfriends dad. So they each get a letter today.

Dear Karen

I could say a million things to you about how beautiful your daughter is but, as a mom I know that I wouldn't be telling you anything you didn't already know. I just wanted to write and tell you thanks for being the strong woman you were and raising her to be the woman she is today. My life has been touched by her so many times that I have lost count. She speaks of you as if you were more than a "SuperMom". I know you are watching over her and I know that you are just so proud of everything she is and everything she stands for. Thank you for teaching morals, about motives and most of all how to be selfless. On one hand I love that about her but, as you know she takes selflessness to a whole new level. Its almost a downfall at times. She compares me to you alot and I want you to know that its one of the best compliments I have ever received. You were an amazing woman.

Next, I want you to know she misses you just about every moment of everyday. I know she goes from being so unbelievably broken from losing you to fighting mad at you for leaving her. I know you understand and I know regardless of how horrible she may talk at you that you never leave her side. I wish there was a way that she could feel your presence because I know that it would give her some peace. There are no words to describe the sorrow that Jes feels over losing you but, also over losing you the way that she did. I cant imagine being in her head or heart for one day. Wondering what really happened. Wanting so bad to solve the mystery. I know without a doubt that you fought to stay with her. I know you would have done anything to stay. I know we have no control over when we go and I know you wouldn't leave your children ever if you would of had the choice. I'm sorry that you didn't. I'm not really sure exactly what I believe in about the after life. I know without a doubt there is heaven and there is hell but, as for ghosts and spirits I'm not sure what I believe so I just want to say this to you. If there is anyway to solve what happened to you and you are where you can help her please do. I want so much to see Jes completely happy and I know that nothing can bring you back but, for her to know exactly what happened would give her peace of mind and I know she would fight until the day she dies for justice for you. You were her entire world and you taught her all she knows. Everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I thank you so much for that and I hope that you are resting in peace knowing that although I could never love her the way you did, I will ALWAYS take care of her. That's my promise to you.

Dear Randy the 1st:

I have heard so much about you from Randy and others. It seems like you were a "Good Samaritan" of sorts. Your son def takes after you in that. People talk about how fun and crazy you were and how you never let people take advantage of you. I wanted to write to you and tell you thank you for everything you did teach your son. I also want you to know that he hurts so much over the times you were not in his life. He wishes so much that you would of been more involved in his life and I think that he feels maybe a little cheated. There is no doubt that he loved you very much and that in alot of ways he looks up to you. He does his very best to take care of his siblings and worries about all of them more than he would ever show. He always says that he wishes you could see him now and see all the progress he has made since he lost you. He has really grown into a successful man. He is a wonderful dad to Aly and also to my girls and I know that he watch you take Tyler under your wing and treat him as your own. I have to say thank you for that because Randy is just like you in that aspect. He is always willing to do whatever for all 3 of our children. I hope you know just how amazing he really is and I hope that you look down on us and are proud of the life he has made. I know that if you could do things differently that you would. Im sorry that you never got the chance to do that. I know that he also wonders how you died because it was so sudden and I wish there was a way to know so that he could let go of that part and start to heal from losing you. He doesn't deal with things like that very well and I assume maybe that came from you too. lol.

I want you to know that I love your son. I love him from a place I have never loved anyone else and I thank you for whatever part, big or small, you had in making him the man he is today. I pray that you rest in peace and look down on us often.

Letter to a stranger

Dear Stranger Pregnant Girl:

I saw you saturday at the lake like I have many other saturdays. There you sit with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. You wear no shame on your face? I often want to walk up and put your cig out and jerk that beer out of your hand. I would love to slap some sense into your dumb little head. It amazes me that you do all these distructive things to your unborn child. It makes me wonder what kind of value you put on your childs life and it scares the hell out of me to wonder what things that child will see before it can even speak. I assume that you must be a miserable person. I also assume you dont have a damn friend in this world because I know my friends would knock me silly if I ever pulled such a stunt. Im sorry for you for that. I hope that you pull your head out of your beer bottle soon and start to live a healthy life for your unborn child. I pray daily for your baby! I hope he/she is born healthy and I also pray that some how that child will be taken from you and given to some woman who would give up anything (beer and cigs being the least of those things) to have a child. Its digusting to watch you. You should pray that I dont follow my gut and come slap you silly before the end of the summer! How dare you!

Tdazzle

Oops! I keep skipping around

I just realized I missed the letter to my parents (that may take awhile) and I skipped a letter to a stranger you saw on that day. I will get right to writing those. I would expect the stranger one way before the parents. lol.

Sorry Im so sparatic!

Todays Letter...My Fav Internet Friend

My favorite internet friend is so much more than just that...

Dear Autumn:

You are so much more than just my internet friend but, since we communicate more on the internet than any other way I decided you just had to get this letter.

I love this picture too. There are times that I have felt your arm around my shoulder just chatting with you on instant messenger. So many times you have hugged me with encouraging words and inspirational motivation. So many times you have stopped what you are doing just to chat with me! It really means the world to me to have a friend like you. You never judge and are always in my corner. Alot of times you have friends in life that say all the right things like " Call me if you need anything", "I will do whatever you need" and then there are friends like you that just "Do" those things without being asked. I love you more than you will ever know and I appreciate all the things you "DO"!
I hope that you and I are always friends. I hope that with age and time that we grow closer and more than anything I hope you know that I am always willing and ready to DO whatever I can to help you at anytime! Your such a sweet person and I am so proud to call you my FAVORITE FRIEND...the internet really has nothing to do with it!!!

I love you to the moon

Tdazzle