Oh Snap, A Letter to my EX's

I have 2 Ex's (baby daddies) so they each get a letter

Dear Mike

First I want to thank you for the only good thing that came of our immature drama filled high school relationship and that's my daughter Kelbie Mae.

Second, I want to say I'm sorry! I'm sure you wonder what in the world I have to be sorry for. Or maybe your thinking its about time she realizes what all she has done to me. So here it goes.

I'm sorry that I allowed you to talk to me and treat me the way you did. I'm sorry that I allowed you and I to believe that I was a piece of property and that you owned me. I'm sorry that you were so insecure that you had to constantly tear me down to make yourself feel better! I'm sorry I allowed myself to be your doormat, punching bag and rag doll. I'm sorry that I didn't continue to beat the living hell out of you with that chair in the lunch room the day you started that fight with me. I'm sorry that I cared enough about you to ever let anything you said or did to me hurt me. I'm sorry that you didn't take responsibility for your part in getting me pregnant. I'm sorry that you were never man enough to be a dad to Kelbie. I'm sorry that I didn't punch your right in your mouth when you told me you didn't think she was yours. I'm sorry that you were ever under the impression that you were a good man. I'm sorry your not smart enough to know what your role as a father is. I'm sorry that I didn't kill you the day you took Kelbie to eat dinner and would only allow her to eat a salad because she was getting "a lil chunky" I'm sorry that I allowed you to break her spirit in any way. I'm sorry that you missed all her first words, first steps and first birthdays. I'm more sorry that you were the first boy to ever break her heart. I'm sorry that your actions have caused Kelbie to have trust issues and to feel like she is never enough. I'm sorry that you don't know her favorite color, food and sport. I'm sorry that you never cared to know what her passions are and what she enjoys the most. I'm sorry you have never been on the receiving side of her anger because you put most of it there. I'm sorry you don't realize what a blessing she was to you. I'm sorry that you choose to take care of a child who isn't even biologically yours while there were times she went without because you didn't pay support. I'm sorry that for every single way you have been able to hurt her. I'm sorry she doesn't yet have the nerve to tell you how much your absence has effected her life. I'm sorry that you have never been there yet, you will probably be the one that gets to give her away one day. I'm sorry she will never know what it truly feels like to have her father care about every aspect of her life. I'm sorry that God saw it fit to make you the father of my beautiful daughter. I'm sorry that I don't understand his ways. I'm sorry that you don't understand yours. I'm sorry that while you pretend to be a good man that the most important thing in my life only has you to look at when trying to figure out what a man really is. I'm sorry your such a poor excuse of a man! Most of all I'm sorry that I laid down with you when I clearly had no idea of what a horrible outcome it could cause and I am so unbelievably sorry for my part in damaging the most beautiful thing in my life.

I hope God has mercy on you when you stand before him. I hope I can one day forgive you!

Dear Cary

Oh what a disppointment you turned out to be. You turned into everything I never thought you could be. You were always so good with children and seemed to be such a caring person. Im sorry that I married you because I never loved you. Im sorry that I thought getting married would make things better and Im sorry that I was too broken and immature to realize what a horrible mistake it really would be. I cant believe that I would marry someone like you and more so I cant believe that I would bring a child into this world with you. Im sorry that after our marriage was over that I still believed in you. I believed you would be a good dad to Aspen and I believed you would never hurt her. Im sorry that I forced her on you and Im sorry that I allowed you to neglect her when you did have her. Im sorry that you chose drugs and alcohol over your own flesh and blood. Im sorry that you are so broken and diseased that you cant see what you have done to her emotionally. Im sorry that you broke her spirit by not coming through on promises you made to her. Im sorry that you come from such a worthless family who doesnt believe in the bond of a family. Im sorry that it took you 6 yrs to decide you didnt want to be a father to her anymore. Im sorry that you disappearing out of her life effected her so much. Im sorry that she still loves you enough to miss you even 2.5 years after you abandoned her. Im sorry that every trait she gets from you is negative because really you were never good. Im sorry I didnt see that. Im sorry that she still loves you and believes you love her back. Im sorry that she will continue to always wonder what she could of done or could of been to make you stay. Im sorry that they didnt lock you up when you drove drunk with the most precious thing in my life sitting next to you. I hope that your saddness and your guilt stay with you until the day you die. Im sorry that you were the first man in her life and that you taught her all of the wrong/hurtful things a man can do to a girl. I just hope she realizes them and doesnt choose a man like you. I hate you for breaking her heart. I hate you for pretending to care and I absolutley hate that you have no self control when it come to drugs and drinking. Not even enough to stop you from putting my baby in harms way. Im sorry that there isnt corporal punishment for that. Im sorry that you dont see what a phenominal soccer player& athlete she is. Im sorry you never see all of her amazing talents & characteristics. Im sorry you dont know all her fears and insecurities because most of them were place inside her because of you. Im sorry that she is 8 yrs old and she already thinks that everyone eventually leaves. Im sorry there isnt a punishment for being a deadbeat parent. I hope that your life is in turmoil and that you hurt for the rest of your life. I pray that you one day sober up and see the pain you have caused her. I hope that you get to experience even half of that pain. I pray that one day I can forgive you and I pray that Aspen will forgive me for making such a reckless choice when choosing a father for her.